hot day, idea for a new story

[Iwannhs]

Today it is dreadfully hot, and fortunately in a couple of hours it will be better.
But i got an idea for something, which could well turn out to be one of my most famous works (provided that my work becomes famous, that is ).

The idea is rather simple. There is a party of people on masks and other attires of a carnival, in an apartment in the center of Thessalonike. One of them is the narrator, who represents myself. I am supposed to be a quite known writer, something which is essential to the plot of the story.
At some time one of the guests, who i didnt know about, comes near me, and claims he wants to share a story with me, with the prospect that i write it down, and hopefully get it published.
It turns out he has been living in Constantinople, and will return there after tonight.
He goes on to mention how he likes walking in the narrow streets, carrying his guitar case- he has no guitar, but likes to impersonate a musician- and stopping to glance at shops.

[Iwannhs]

However later on he reveals that in that guitar case he is carrying a rifle, and has been gunning down turkish children from the roofs of some buildings.
He likens himself to the mythical last Byzantine emperor, who is said to rise from his grave and give Constantinople back to the greeks, or rather he wants to instill fright on the turks, and this he can only do if i write down his story.

The narration ends with the perplexed narrator not knowing if the other person was telling the truth or not, but he definately likes the tone of the story, and so writes it

[benedictjjones]

sounds like it could work well if you get the tone right.

[Iwannhs]

Yes, i think so too.

Well i hope i do not get a death order on my head by the turks if it becomes a well-known story

[Iwannhs]

This is a translation of the first couple of paragraphs i wrote for the story. Tell me what you think of them as an introduction

Btw the massive building by Embrar is the one in this pic, above the word "Thessaloniki":



And now the intro:

I was happy this night. This for a very obvious reason, which went further than the usual ones: I had managed to make a step, no matter how small it was, in my course to the vast building next to the sea, in front of the pillars and arches of a part of which I was found walking! Yes, I was invited to the house of a friend of a person with whom I have connections, and it appears that the minor fame my name has acquired made possible that the invitation was expanded towards me as well, alongside that acquaintance. Thus, for the first time in my life, I was found inside that wonderful creation of Embrar.
And already I planned from that time in which I was wandering in the heart of it, which sadly I could not be allowed to study as I wanted, due to my escort, I was resolved that later, as I would have again returned to my own room, I would note down in detail anything I had seen there. The pages would fill up with details of the architectural qualities of the internal and external spaces, the sense of the colossal size of the edifice, even my desire to look from some skylight to its centre- a desire which I did not satisfy however this night- and so much more!
But something happened which on the contrary turned my attention to entirely different matters, and now of course it is obvious that I will note that.

[Iwannhs]

Anyone?

Now i am at page 8, but i am really thinking of ending the story there. It is almost flash fiction, but i cannot think of anything i should add.
I am a bit irked by the mention of Constantinople (which inevitably has political connotations), since i otherwise tried to keep things entirely symbolic. There is no mention of the word "turk". Once, i think, there is the term "rats" used by the person commiting the murders.

I decided to change the plot a bit, instead of a rifle he is using some sort of sharp object, and obviously kills from very close, in his own room, high above the noise of the city, above a sea of stairs

[HJB]

You should definitely try not to have any political feelings in this one. It could still work if the narrator keeps a neutral tone, or even is put off by the guys hatred of the other nation or race. If both characters feel the same, or if it becomes clear that the “rats” are really ‘Turks’ then a great story could very well be turned into propaganda of hate, and I don’t think that’s what your going for. I really think that neutral narration is the key here. I don’t know if it would be better for the narrator to call it Istanbul rather than Constantinople, but he certainly shouldn’t agree with the killing of kids. I get the feeling like your saying that the story begins to come out sounding like fiction to the narrator, but then slide into the possibility that the guy might be telling the truth. If that’s what it is, it sound like a great story.   

[Iwannhs]

Thank you for the comments HGB

I ended up abandoning the story, but i may try to write something similar in the future, only now i am resolved to not place it in Constantinople, but at the same town, so the focus really will be on the story being true or false.

I guess i needed to get some things out of my system with the first version.

[HJB]

I'm just curious, what's the bad blood between Greece and Turkey?

[Iwannhs]

Nearly 400 years of slavery, the destruction of the Byzantine Empire= the ousting of Greece from the front of the western world.

But it is also fuelled by current events, there are disputed islands in the aegean, said to have oil around them, which currently cannot be extracted.

Also Turkey, from what i hear, is rather un-european, and there is a clash of civilizations.

Last, but not least, the capital of the greek word for 1000 years, the city of Constantinople, is outside of Greece. It almost got to be part of the realm in 1920, but then the war was lost, and along it the city, eastern Thrace, and a part of Asia minor (which were greek in 1920 by treaty).

Personally i am not involved with that. But then again even if you repress a thought, it still exists inside of you. I am happy to be greek since as a writer i have a great language to work with, but there are some problems with the country, and some of the other countries in the area are chronically hostile.